Unhappiness comes from striving and being something that goes against your principles and values. Living a life that other people hold to high standard, doesn’t do much for you.
What does success look like to you?
In the book I wrote about discovering the personal fitness angle for success. But it’s vital to revisit the same question from the angle of life as a whole. As heavy as it sounds this is something I keep reevaluating.
Finding answers to this will give you a rough road map for a fulfilling (do I dare to say, happier?) life. It’s like dusting the dirt off the compass.
People who don’t know jack-shit about you set the expectations
As a trainer the expected goal for me is to become a fully fledged business owner (not a sole trader as I am now). Open a gym, hire other trainers to work for me, or move into online training (“passive” income, man). The cliche “work on your business, not in it” is often thrown around because that’s where the money is.
Although more money sounds great, I am not someone who loves to tinker about their business structure. I’ve got too many interests, and soon a newborn I prefer devoting my time to. Taking any of those expected next steps would force me to devote time into becoming better at running a more complex business.
That would take me away from what I want to be successful at: father, husband, writer and coaching in person.
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If you work in the corporate world a typical expectation is climbing the corporate ladder*. Take on more work (and earn more money) because it’s what’s expected. This often comes at a cost when more money (and work) would take the person away from their definition of success. Maybe instead of money, power and status at work, they’d rather be something else.
As it is, the world revolves around money and most people set themselves up for lifestyles that require as Wyclef Jean would say “singin’ dollar dollar bill y’all”. Money to buy (i.e. get a mortgage) for a big house, 7-Series and a villa in Tuscany.
Because everyone else has one too.
And so we dive into the hole of expectations dug by using someone else’s standards. Standards of those whose goals, values and principles could be as far from yours as Vince Diesel is from becoming the next Miss Universe.
What my “perfect life” success looks like:
– Spend most of my time with the family, be present.
– Be a good husband and father.
– Have time for hobbies.
– With work, have freedom to choose commitments.
– Share love and wisdom, make people laugh.
– Make a living through positive contribution.
– Value health and fulfilment over money and status.
That’s what success is for me, today. I need to keep reminding myself about it on a weekly if not daily bases. Especially when faced with big decisions.
Does this decision take me closer or further from my success?
This doesn’t mean I am never torn between decision. Most times it’s for the fear of missing out. But being aware that question is tough because of the thought of missing out often makes the answer more straight-forward.
It’s ok to break, burn and bury the conventional image of success
Figure out what the success is that you are striving for. And then become relentless about pursuing it. Learn to say no to shit you don’t care for.
Will this be easy? Yeah, no. But it’s better than living a life in a hole that someone else dug for you.
*Full disclosure: A super-stereotypical statement. I’ve never worked a corporate job in my life.