The first time I left Finland for a longer trip was in September 2005. Me and a childhood friend spent the summer planning the trip that involved a last minute passport update and visa issue that almost ruined the takeoff. But eventually we bought the tickets and took the ride, stepping on the plane with an elementary school skill level of English, thick Finnish accents, and a lot of attitude.
We’d both seen a bit of Europe in our youth but we still held our virginity for anything south of Mediterranean. This was our very first big adventure at the ripe age of 21. We were young and seeking what’s past the borders of Europe. Although we were only planning to stay in New Zealand, our six months also took us to Australia, Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand, and briefly to London and Stockholm.
Nothing too out of the beaten path, but nevertheless exciting and new for two snot faced youngsters, who’d spent their young lives mostly in the safe haven of well-functioning, if not ball-breaking icy cold, socialist society know as Finland.
At the start of our trip we spent most days together doing the same things. Which mostly included, typically Finnish, two to three hour cafe visits where neither of us said a word. Ah, the silence of two introverts.
But when you have been friends with someone for long enough and spent a lot of time together confined in small spaces (remember, we were young, broke and backpacking) tensions are bound to happen and you will end up driving each other up the walls. Being in New Zealand, it’s a woolball that builds up as it goes down. The annoying traits that your travel companion possesses get magnified.
Not necessarily because the habits and traits are bad. But because they are different to your’s so they annoy the shit out of you.
Oh, the things I do (or did)
I’ve been notorious for taking my time making decisions throughout my life. And although I am much better at it today because of the intentional work I’ve put in it, that wasn’t the case in 2005.
I had only lived away from home for a year, not counting the six month in the army. When you’ve lived with people that do the same things as you do, you don’t notice them, it’s all part of the flow. It didn’t occur to me that taking 60 minutes to decide what to eat and wear, or where to sit wasn’t what everyone does. It never crossed my mind.
So eventually my buddy brought up how he was going apeshit-crazy over my habit of taking ages for choosing foods in the supermarket. Not necessarily choosing between a banana and an apple. But choosing between two packets of noodles, or similar.
It usually went something like this: I’d take one off the shelf, read the label and place back on the shelf. Take another and again read the label. Before taking them both at the same time and comparing them next to each other. Few minutes later I’d choose one, put both on the shelf and reach at the back to take a “fresh one”. Can you blame my buddy, although having the patience of the Pope, for finding this annoying?
Now imagine this happening on repeat with each item that had multiple choices and a list of ingredients. It would happen in a bottle shop when choosing beers or a wine cask (what can I say, we were young, broke and backpacking) for the night, and it would happen in the 7/11 when buying chewing gum. Just writing about the process makes me anxious now.
Although I didn’t realize at the time, whatever the decision, I was always thinking “what am I missing out on?” Instead of being satisfied with what I had chosen. I was majoring in tiny choices that wouldn’t make any difference in the long run. And I was wasting a great deal of time in doing so.
A psychologist reading this would probably have a reason ready for me as why this was happening in my head. But let’s not make this post all about me. That’s a joke, you’ll get it eventually.
But even if I was aware of what I was doing, I did nothing to change it. It was another eight or nine years before I decided that this can’t keep happening anymore.
Small things that helped me make quicker (and better) decisions
I made an effort to rid myself of the debilitating trait of indecisiveness. Or if nothing else, at least to reduce it. There are few key habits I’ve implemented since that. I’ve reduced my clothing to the point that I only have few options to choose from. On weekdays I prep the same breakfast and lunch 99% of the time. I always order the same coffee. In a restaurant I pick the first thing I like on the menu and stop reading.
Instead of making something perfect, the first that’s good enough will do.
Recently I’ve added another habit which is helpful when facing a question that could possibly turn into a long battle in my head. I ask myself if any of this will matter in 10 years time? It works great in small, and when looked in a big picture, pointless “dilemmas”: should I have a beer? Should I go for a walk? Should I buy an ice cream? Should I train today? Should these socks be worn the other way around? Do I even need socks?
But it also helps with bigger questions: should we buy a new car? Should I buy a guitar, should I order a pie? It doesn’t, obviously, help with what car to buy, which guitar to get, or how many pies to order. But it helps to eliminate the initial yes or no. And when the answer is no, as it often is, it eliminates all of the further decisions.
—
So, I told you which of my doings drove my Pope-like travel companion nuts, caused arguments and almost drove our bromance on the sharp rocks of the broken bromances over those six month in 2005-2006. You might also wonder if my buddy had any habits that made me chew my nails with an electric razor-like speed and yell at deep voices louder than what I typically possess?
Yes, his clockwork like tendency to wake up in the middle of the night and eat potato chips from the bag that he’d tactically placed next to his bed before falling asleep. When you sleep in the same hostel room and sometimes even in the same bed (listen, still young, broke and backpacking), this can get annoying, especially when the crumbs get between your toes.
But that’s another story altogether.