Eventually, you might not have the energy to see friends, try new hobbies, put in a decent effort at work, or have the patience for your kids and partner.
Reframing it that way often makes it easier to take the time for yourself.
Especially when putting yourself first is an inconvenience to others.
-J
It’s normal to lock your focus on the one thing as the culprit for your low energy.
The unbalanced gut microbiome, a specific nutrient missing in your diet, not taking the right supplement, not doing the right exercise, struggling with your chakra because the moon’s gravitational pull is seven degrees to the east, and the only way to rebalance your energy is to buy Gwyneth’s forehead oil.
Even the most rational of us are occasionally drawn to clear, god-like answers to our problems.
But to save your money and sanity, focus on the basics. Rest, stress, food, exercise.
If you’re still struggling after all that, entertain the more complex answers.
-J
You’re ambitious and tend to set high standards, including your health goals. So you lock your forward-facing nostrils to a big dream and start with so much motivation you don’t know what to do with it.
But when the journey is long, and progress seems slow, it’s easy to question whether the effort is worth the potential long-term gain.
And so, you’ll find your motivation living in the dumpster of dumpsters.
Your brain is wired to seek immediate rewards. When the gratification is delayed, as it always is with health goals, it can feel like you’re putting in a lot of effort for a reward that seems far off and uncertain.
So, how do you dig the motivation out of the dumpster of dumpsters?
Break big goals into smaller, more manageable ones. Smaller goals are more immediate and less daunting. And as you achieve them, you’re more likely to scratch that instant gratification itch.
Achieving smaller, more frequent goals gives you a sense of progress and success, injecting you with motivation to keep going. Instead of trying to jump The Channel, you’re placing small pontoons along the way.
When your big goal is to reclaim your energy and strength, your smaller goals could be to do a 30-minute workout three times a week, get to bed 30 minutes earlier or eat a carrot every time you say “um”.
Pick one and start scratching.
-J
Your motivation dips when you don’t find your health and fitness goals meaningful.
This is why most people who start their fitness journey with the goals of “to lose weight” or “to look good” fail. Those goals are rarely meaningful enough.
Of the three motivation zappers (see yesterday’s post for #1 and tomorrow’s post for #3), this one’s the one I’ve been going on since I started this blog in 2015. As well as in my book.
But previously, I’ve only hammered home how important it is to find meaningful goals when you’re first starting. While completely ignoring the importance of revisiting this exercise whenever you feel your motivation dipping along the way.
With coaching clients, I like to do something called the why conversation when digging for motivation.
Me: Correct me if I’m wrong, but based on our conversation, it sounds like you’d like to feel stronger and have more energy.
Client: Yes, that’s exactly right. You’re a wonderful listener.
Me: Ok, great. Why is feeling stronger and having more energy important to you?
Client: Because this, that and so on and then I have this goal which so and so.
Me: Ok, great. And how is this, that and so on affecting your life now?
Client: Well, so and so and Aunt May and then also the temporarily helical infrastructure of being.
Me: I can definitely understand all that. And why is this important for you?
Client: Ok, so Aunt May, helical infrastructure and unbearable gravity of lightness.
…
I’ll stop here, but you get the idea. I keep digging and asking ‘why’ for as long as it takes to get to the bottom of the real reason why reclaiming her energy and strength is so important.
Sometimes it only takes a few rounds of questions. But most of the time, it’s a longer process. And much of it depends on how much she can trust me (something that’s 100% on me).
Here’s how to play this at home (the third option is very 2023).
1. If you like to talk: Your friend acts as the coach. They keep asking you to drill deeper to find the meaning.
2. If you like to write: Sit down with pen and paper. Ask yourself, ‘why is this important’ and write down the answer. Then repeat that sequence until you hit a truly meaningful reason.
3. If you like tech: Use the ChatGPT for motivational interviewing: here’s the prompt to get you started.
Revisit this exercise whenever your motivation dips. As you do this, you might find that what you previously found meaningful no longer serves you.
-J
Motivation can get all kinds of annoying dips if you don’t believe in your skills and knowledge to reclaim your energy and strength. When you feel you don’t have the right tools to reach your goals.
That could be any of the following:
How to overcome this annoying motivation zapper.
It’s a cliche, but knowledge is power. Learn more about the topics you struggle with.
Start with the one that will be the biggest hurdle on your path. Read books, listen to podcasts, take courses or hire a coach. Get your friend, partner, or mother-in-law (maybe not) involved and do it together.
Once you’ve got your knowledge and skills to a level you feel confident about, move to the next hurdle.
Tick them off one by one to boost confidence in your skills and abilities.
-J
More specifically, I’ve been saying that you don’t need motivation. Or at least once you’ve found the initial motivation, you don’t need to rely on it.
And I was wrong. For two reasons (at least):
1. I’ve been using the word ‘motivation’ when speaking about ‘enthusiasm.’
2. Motivation can absolutely fade (and there’s usually a specific reason for it – more on that in a sec)
Even when you don’t feel enthusiastic about a task, you can still get it done. You can still get in your steps, do a workout and make healthier food choices. Sometimes you don’t feel like doing things even though you’re motivated. Because life and the batshit complicated human psyche.
Let’s put it this way:
You can feel unenthusiastic while being motivated. But you can’t feel enthusiastic without being motivated. Am I making any sense here?
There are three specific ways your motivation might take a hit to stop you from reclaiming your energy and strength.
I’ll cover all three this week, including how to overcome the motivation struggle with each one.
For now though, I am sorry for my obnoxious past self for spinning bs about motivation.
-J
Most lifestyle change advice revolves around behavioural modification tactics. Eat your veg to feel fuller, sleep earlier to feel more rested, and swim to work to increase your daily activity.
And most of the time, stacking enough of the right habits will get you where you want to go. But…
If you’ve tried a New Testament’s worth of habits and struggle to stick with most or all of them, the problem likely isn’t that you haven’t found the right habits.
Instead, there’s a good chance you struggle with the resilience to cope with the emotions that make these habits so challenging to stick to.
Getting to the bottom of that will help more than any behavioural modification tactic you could find.
-J
You’re at point A and feeling tired. You want to get to point E and feel like a teenager again. (Strength and energy-wise. And definitely not emotionally.)
Right now, the distance between the two spots on the map might seem daunting. And when the big goal occupies all your attention, it’s tempting to jump from one piece of advice, solution and even gimmick to another in hopes of closing that distance as quickly as possible.
We’ve all been there. Chasing for the one thing that delivers unbelievable results in the shortest time possible. Even when all the sensible neurons in our brain tell us it’s a false hope.
So, how do you stay grounded and put in the work without getting distracted by the next shiny object?
Like you’d do with any other big goal. By breaking it into smaller pieces.
Ignore E for now. File it away somewhere.
Focus on B. Once you get there, aim for C. And then D.
Once you’re at D, then focus on E.
Yes, it’s common sense. But that doesn’t mean that it always gets done.
-J
Improving your energy and stopping the afternoon sluggishness from hell often means:
1. Calculate your calories for a week or two to make sure you’re eating enough. You’d be surprised how many women don’t eat way under their daily calorie requirements. No need to be super pedantic about this though. Just aim thereabouts to give you an idea of how much you need.
2. Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. If all your meals are all over the place, focus on improving one meal at a time. Often the best place to start is your breakfast. Probably add a morning or an afternoon snack. Or both.
3. Aim for around 20-40 grams of protein and a hefty serving of vegetables per meal. Other than that, include fats and carbohydrates however you see fit to ensure you eat enough calories. And fruit, too, because it’s good for you and helps you poo.
4. Try to eat at least half of your daily calories in the first half of the day. Blood sugar fluctuations, energy zaps and mind-numbing cravings are often signs of hunger carried over from the start of the day.
5. “Indulgent” foods can and probably should be a part of your diet. Having your main meals in order gives you a lot of flexibility to eat the things you love to eat without affecting your energy.
6. Improve your sleep, stress management and recovery. This should probably be number one, but let’s agree that these are not in order of importance.
7. Exercise. Not because it burns calories. But because it helps sharpen your hunger cues and boosts your mood and energy.
And because you might be wondering… Does this mean you must eat three meals and two snacks daily for the rest of your life?
Absolutely not.
But doing so for a while builds the foundation to experiment with different ways of eating that might suit you better.
Yes, there are all kinds of other hacks you can do to improve your energy (spending time in the sun first thing in the morning etc.). But those are just bandaids unless the basics are in place.
-J
Reclaiming your energy and strength isn’t a sprint.
You’re not only looking to visit your destination briefly before heading back.
You want to build a house where you’re going.
How does that change the actions you’re taking today?
J