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One thing that often comes up in “setting boundaries” conversations that I think we could all do better with. Myself included.

And that’s the language around how prioritising self-care is not selfish. As in, we put ourselves first to be there for others.

But this is still a soft boundary of “I do this, but not for myself”.

We’re playing this game of having to justify our actions of getting a massage, doing a workout, going for a run…

Sometimes, self-care is selfish. We do it because it’s good for us, and that’s it. Period. End of sentence.

And that doesn’t make it any less important.

-J

By exploring these and dialling in the ones that affect you the most:

– What you eat and drink
– Sleep
– Past experiences
– Friends and family
– Relationships
– The things you do to cope
– Beliefs
– Activities and hobbies (as in, sometimes returning to snowboarding is exactly what you need, even if you think you can’t)
– Emotions
– Strength and fitness
– General health

The pain level doesn’t always correlate with the severity of the tissue injury. Especially chronic pain that lasts more than 90 days. After all, most tissue injuries heal by the 90-day mark.

None of this means that the pain you feel doesn’t exist. It just means that the cause of the pain isn’t where we previously used to think it was.

I attended a pain education seminar by Pain Revolution on Thursday night last week, so all this is on top of my mind. If you’d like to receive the eight-page handout from the seminar, email me, and I’ll scan it for you. I find them especially helpful for anyone trying to understand and reduce their own pain.

And as always, if you’ve got any pain-related questions, ask away. If I don’t know the answer, I know others who are way smarter than me. And they can ask their friends.

-J

When trying to learn new things and change habits, there’s a third tool I didn’t cover yesterday.

Not only does this tool make change easier, but it will also allow you to make faster progress.

The tool? Seek feedback.

Connect with someone who can help you figure out how to keep improving, what to do differently, and where to look for answers.

This someone could be a knowledgeable friend or relative. But as we all know, their help can quickly turn into, “Hugging my poodle eases my back pain, so everyone with back pain should hug poodles.”

They mean well, but… what if seeing a poodle gives me a nosebleed and a nasty case of hemorrhoids?

Choose wisely.

-J

As I am watching our kids learn to ride a bike, figure out the alphabet and trying navigate their feelings and emotions, I am constantly reminded that being a kid is tough.

For kids, everything is a trial and error and they’re constantly balancing somewhere along the learning curve. As frustrating as this struggle sometimes is for them (and us parents!), it’s also the norm. You try, you fail, you learn, you try again.

For us adults, most of this struggle is far behind us.

We know how to tie our shoelaces in pretty bows and flush the public toilets even if the flushing mechanisms are nothing like we have at home. Some of us even know how to use a microwave. In kid’s eyes, we are incredible at life stuff.

But we are not always good at dealing with the feelings of frustration that come with learning something new. It’s no wonder that learning new habits and breaking old ones is so  taxing emotionally. And it’s no surpise people latch on to any promise of a shortcut.

When you’re trying to change habits, build strength and restore your energy, it’s normal to find it difficult. You’re learning, growing, and figuring out what works for you. And nothing about that is easy.

The first thing to do is to stop fighting it. To acknowledge that it’s okay for this to be challenging. You don’t have to be any better at it than you currently are. That’ll come. You just need to keep showing up.

But let’s be honest, it’s always nice when you can make difficult things a little less difficult.

Look at the tasks, skills and roles you’ve aced in the past. Whether that’s something at work, in your parenting, how you manage money, or how you’ve learned to use a dessert spoon as a leathal weapon against Nazis.

What did you do to that helped you learn those tasks, skills and roles? What insights can you take from those successes and bring to this current struggle?

-J

The secret to feeling re-energised, resilient and strong is to ignore all the marketing that promises to unlock that secret for you.

Instead, focus on doing the boring work that doesn’t lend itself to great marketing.

-J

I got this message from a client this morning:

In the 12+ years that I’ve been coaching, I don’t think one woman has ever stated that Saturday dancing with heels is one of their goals.

Yet, you’d be surprised how frequently dancing comes up during Monday check-ins. And I always think it’s such an awesome unintended consequence of getting strong. Which brings me to this:

I am taking on 5 new online coaching clients this week. Are you a tired mumpreneur over 40 who:

• Wants to reclaim your energy and strength slowly and sustainably
• Juggles business, parenthood and about a gazillion other roles and responsibilities
• Gives zero f*cks about having abs and doesn’t want to focus on weight loss
• Wants to feel strong and full of energy in the outdoor activities you love doing
• Is willing to carve out 60-90 minutes a week for the next 16 weeks to reach your goals

I can’t promise you will reach all your health and fitness goals in four months, but I can guaranteed you’ll:

1. Wake up feeling rested on most days, with your energy levels being 8/10.
2. Finish most days with your energy levels being 8/10.
3. Reach your personal fitness goal. This could be a specific “event” you’re looking to do in 16 weeks, such as a hike, cycle, run, or an active holiday with the family (not the in-laws – there are limits to what I can promise). It might also be an improvement in how long/fast you can walk without feeling like dying, playing tennis pain-free, or keeping up with your kids without feeling like you can’t.
4. Be able to dance on Saturdays without feeling sore for two days.

I will guarantee those results in 16 weeks. Or, I will work with you as long as it takes for you to reach those goals for no additional cost to the initial payment.

If reading that makes at least two of your neck vertebrae sore from vigorous nodding, hit reply.

And we’ll schedule a call to see if my coaching program would be a good fit.

-J

ps. Need more convincing? Here are a bunch of past and current clients who’ve achieved all kinds of awesome things.

Society, media, cultural norms, and historical perspectives set unrealistic expectations and stereotypes for women in their 40s and 50s.

Ageless beauty. Slim physique. Flawless skin. Toned body. Luscious hair. Perfect balance between motherhood and career. Wear clothes that don’t make you look too old or too young. Hide any signs of menopause. And do not let the gravity affect your butt or bust.

And I probably missed another ten or so that I don’t know about.

These expectations are often further perpetuated by industries that benefit from women feeling insecure about their natural aging process.

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look or feel a certain way, it should be for personal reasons rather than societal pressures.

-J

When I dig myself into an Instagram rabbit hole of muscular men, I still sometimes feel that I am not good enough. Not having arms that break my sleeves, abs to grate cheddar on, or the chest to break coconuts with.

All of this despite:

Putting years of work into realigning my values away from how I look and towards how healthy, energetic and strong I feel.

Blocking my social media feeds and unfollowing people and accounts whose content makes me feel inadequate.

Eventhough achieving the perfect body doesn’t fit into my values. I am simply not interested in putting in the work or the discipline to get or stay there. I rather prioritise other parts of my life.

And still, I sometimes find myself in these holes, yearning for the perfect body.

When I feel inadequate about how I look, I have a short dialogue with myself to climb out of the hole:

My emotional brain: “I wish I’d have arms like that.”

My logical brain: “Does the way my arms look impact my goal of being healthy and the best possible dad, husband and creative person I can be?”

My emotional brain: “Fuck. off. Why can’t you just let me dwell on this?”

My logical brain: “Because it’s pointless and doesn’t align with what matters to me.”

My emotional brain: “Ah, you’re right. Having big arms makes zero difference in me being the person I want to be.”

My logical brain: “There you go. Let’s go watch Rick Beato on YouTube.”

My emotional brain: “I love Rick! What’s for lunch anyways?”

As much as we try to curate our environment to support our values, we can’t control everything. Having a dialogue ready when emotions take over helps us overcome these feelings of inadequacy.

-J

You’ve tried it all. Meditation, breathing practice, therapy, cuddling a dog or other animal before bedtime, and you still struggle to fall or stay asleep.

But have you tried increasing your daily physical activity?

I don’t mean just doing more workouts (although that can help too). But by going for walks, bike rides, lunchtime strolls around the block, gardening or chasing the kids (ideally yours).

Pretty much any activity that increases the energy you burn throughout the day. And especially the activities that get you out of the house and into the great outdoors.

A well-moved body often leads to a more peaceful sleep.

-J

Those two are sarcopenia (muscle loss) and osteopenia (bone loss). And both can be real bummers.

Sarcopenia begins subtly.
From 30 onwards, inactive women can lose about 3–8% of muscle mass yearly. With estrogen declining during menopause, the speed only accelerates. This means activities like walking and lifting heavy shit gradually become tougher.

Osteopenia is the precursor to osteoporosis.
It’s a condition that makes bones fragile. Women’s bone density grows until about the late 20s, plateaus, then around age 44, starts declining by roughly 0.4% annually. This rate jumps to 4.4% yearly during menopause.

Women naturally have lower peak bone density and a sharper decline rate, which makes you more at risk for breaks after menopause. Think of something really dicky like a hip fracture: it elevates mortality rates by 15–20% within a year post-injury.

But here’s the great news.
With a diligent strength training program and dialled-in protein intake, you can not only slow down the muscle loss but, in some instances, reverse it.

And, unlike we previously thought, recent studies indicate that strength training can actually increase bone density in postmenopausal women.

Say whaaaaaaat?! Get after it.

-J